I Hate Larry Johnson (Not Really), Pt. II

Hola senors y senoritas! I want to say "my bad," first off. I wanted to write back earlier, but it's a pretty crazy week for me work-wise. We're doing our annual holiday gift-guide issue, and I've been tapped to assist in selecting which gadgets get selected to appear.

And just to prove I'm still spry enough to be in tune with you youngins (since one or two of you had "old-folks jokes" in the comments section of my last post), the Sidekick ID, PSP Slim and the new limited edition Gilbert Arenas sneaks are among the doo-dads i pushed to have included. I'm hip. That's right. Ignore the part where I referred to gifts as "doo-dads".

With that out of the way, it's time for shout-outs. Do they still call them shout-outs? Lol. Sue me if they don't. I Get Money, I see you! You've got a guaranteed shout out for as long as I commit to this blog. Such are the privledges of the first person to respond to a writer who isn's sure if his readers are interested in what he's saying.

I've also got newbies I need to address. First up is t-roc, who decided to codename himself before I could waste an hour thinking up nicknames. Sorry! T-roc, I officially dub thee T-dubbs. "Dubbs" is slang for 20 (a multiple of two), right? Well since you posted second... get it? If not, take it up with Mr. Donohue.

Next up is Ariel. But Ariel doesn't get a nickname. Why? She didn't even check out my blogs! She didn't read my interview! She just posted in the comments section for extra credit! Which I admit, is very smart. Not to mention ambitious. But shame on you Ariel! Shame! Booo! No nickname for Ariel.

(If I were going to give you one, it might be A-Niche. Like Enyce. Except its's not. Better read my blog while you still can!)

OK, back to biz. I mentioned I wasn't fond of LJ, right? OK, here's why. A couple months ago, I went to cover a party held in honor of Alonzo Mourning's Million Dollar Charity Shootout (I won't get into specifics unless you ask me to). While hanging out and watching Shaq (Alonzo's teammate; he showed up to support the cause) contort himself into positions no 7-footer should (in an attempt to control the dance floor), I bumped into Larry Johnson's publicist. This was right before the start of the NFL season, and immediately, I thought it would be great if I could interview LJ for a story in the mag.

His rep and I traded information, I presented the idea to my bosses, and everyone agreed it was a good idea. A potentially cover-worthy idea, even. Which means... I'm on Cloud 9! All LJ has to do to lock this story down is what he's been doing every time he received the ball as a starter: Run through, over and around people to the tune of oh... about 100 yards and 1/2 TDs per game.

I mean, this is LJ right? No way he doesn't deliver. Right?

Except the first game comes, and LJ struggles.

And then he struggles again in Week 2.

And again.

And now, I can't convice my editors to give him a feature.

Now, the title of this post and the one prior to it are misleading. I don't hate Larry Johnson. I've interviewed him a couple of times, and he's a really cool dude. And we all know how awesome he is on the field, right?

What was really inconvenient (I didn't even hate this part; he's trying as hard as he can, who am I to hate on that b/c it doesn't benefit me?) was the timing of his struggles with my attempts to push a story on him. As a writer, nothing's more frustrating than busting your butt to lock down a story, only to have it slip from your grasp for reasons beyond your control.

On-field struggles. Last-second decisions by the athlete not to cooperate. First-second decisions not to cooperate! Etc., etc. You name it, I've lost stories because of it.

However, there's a silver lining.

Want to know what it is?

You're just going to have to check back this weekend then. My editor just called me. Baron Davis is in Hawaii, and we want to do a two-page interview on him before the season starts. Yours truly has been assigned to handle the dirty work. Gotta go for now, but check back in soon. I'll finish this story then. PROMISE!